I remember many years ago reading an article about those that experience severe trauma together and bond forming (for example plane crash survivors and survivors in general forming strong bonds).
It’s a subject that runs through my mind here and there when I think of us…we that have formed bonds because we have been through something so traumatic, strange and life changing that an affection and trust develops for one and another based on the idea that we understand that no one, unless they experienced it themselves, will ever, understand. It. Ever. As though it’s carved into our hearts and you can see it in another only by feeling it.
It’s as if we the traumatized individuals become more acceptable to ourselves and to each other. The trauma its self even becomes more manageable when you feel you are understood from the perspective of one that experienced /or is experiencing, the same trauma.
For about a minute I tried to find the psychology behind it. I want to understand it because I feel it (I think?) and I want to make sure that I’m not a weirdo that only see’s outsiders fit for me (though I do admit I am fond of the strange).
I had one whole basic psychology course in college and the only thing I remember about it was the day the guy that sat in front of me had a seizure and the “teacher” yelled at him for disrupting the class.
But I AM armed with a heart that formerly was so completely shattered, that the strong bond that formed while putting the pieces back together made me into something else. That something is nameless.
I end with nameless because I don’t really know the words to use that give this kind of strength justice.
I do know that some of you that are reading this have that nameless strength. I also know that some of you that are reading this are the very glue that my own nameless strength is made of.
I searched for answers. I say searched as in past tense, because I’m done searching. As of right now. I answered my question with a question to myself:
“But didn’t you always love mystery anyway”
There were no answers because I couldn’t find the right words.
I searched the internet using search terms like trauma and bonding. I found something called Traumatic Bonding which is associated mostly with a victim bonding with their perpetrator (for instance a hostage with their captor).
So that was a wash.
I then turned my search to Collective Trauma. It didn’t fit either. Maybe it will later.
My next search involved the concept of soldiers and the “war buddy bond”.
The war buddy bond came closest to what I was looking for but to me personally, it still didn’t fit because I myself became well because of the war.
I am not a Lyme Warrior or a Morgie. Neither of those terms offend me, I just don’t identify with them.
I did learn from writing this post that I also don’t need to identify or qualify my feelings.
What I was really trying to do was to prove to myself that my strong affection, the love I feel for some of you, is based on something better than the concept:
“I like you because you understand me”.
And maybe (maybe means yes) the kind of bond I feel, the kind I’m trying to understand is human love and human bonding and that I am very capable of that and none of us are outsiders in anyway; And that today this all looks strange but perhaps later will not be inexplicable at all. And most importantly that if it never gets explained, I’m fine with that too.
I’m not one to quote the bible often because I don’t care to abuse the bible by missing the metaphor or cherry picking or getting lost in the literal, but, there is one often quoted and well known verse that feels appropriate right now…
For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.