This Christmas I’m thinking of you the most. I’m speaking to my Lyme and Morgellons friends but also to all of those that live in chronic illness. I know you might be in bed right now reading this. I know you may have not been out of the house for days. Maybe weeks. I know you might be thinking you need to bathe but you hurt too much and you don’t have the energy anyway. Meanwhile you’re watching all the lights go up…in photos…on Facebook…your lifeline…on the net…out of “real life”.
I know some of you are watching all your friends and even former friends and maybe even what USED to be your family doing Christmas activities, getting their hair done, buying gifts, and choosing fancy outfits while you lay there and your pajamas hurt your skin and your bed feels like it’s made of nails.
You may have taken every cent you have in maybe money or strength and splurged on an outfit or hair cut, because you still “look good”. It might be something that you still have left… that you “don’t look sick” and that someone might still see that because surely they have not seen your invisible illness. Years may have passed and still they may have not seen it. If that’s you then fix your your hair or do or get whatever it might be.You deserve it.
You might be thinking of your former self and what you used to be able to do and how Christmas used to be. Or what you used to be able to buy. Or you may be thinking of what you never got because you were very busy being a professional patient. You may have missed a lot of Christmas’s because you spent that time in the badlands of Any Place…choking down the band aid pills they gave you to shut you up. You might be feeling like a car that’s been wrenched on by a shite mechanic; They fix one thing and blow three others out.
You might not to able to pick up your child and tickle them or you may not be able to pick them up from soccer practice. You may not even see them because your family was torn apart while you could not get out of bed to try and save them. And they could not understand why you could not get out of bed or how to save you. You may even be a child yourself. Or you may have lost your childhood somewhere between a wheelchair and emergency room visits.
Perhaps your career, life and family aspirations got lost between fatigue, pain and financial strife.
I know. And I am thinking of you the most today on the eve of Christmas.
What you’re watching is only The Christmas Olympics (I just made that up but I think it works).
Everyone is running fast, shopping, wrapping gifts, attending parties and you might be in bed watching it. Or you’re participating with what little energy you have left and will pay big time for a month.
Despair may try and crash your door down. Do not let it in. This Christmas card is my virtual and humble attempt to arm you.
It’s just one day. It’s only Christmas. It’s one day that is meant to be every day and I promise you that there are more than a million others thinking and living very nearly what I’m trying to write about.
I know who you are; YOU are the essence of Christmas and I love you the most.
Please know that you have so much love to give that Christmas is a God given cake walk. And we will walk this walk together.
Best to all of you. Hold Fast. Godspeed. But most of all love, so much love to you. Tina