On the Subject of Despair and Love




Disclaimer :  I cried into my keyboard and now lack the ability to make full stops or commas

Please excuse the absence of these

I started this blog when I first went into Lyme treatment and initially used it to work through my physical and spiritual pain

As I worked through that and made progress I then tried to do what my true intent was

That being to help others and to become what I needed for myself when I was hurting

I had a lot of trauma and grief and am recently  experiencing a different kind of despair

In this blog I had set out to help and support others

What I received was a huge outpouring of support and love and it saved me

I’m not asking for that again

I am simply crying out loud to the universe

To God

To Mother Nature

To humans

And to whatever other mysteries are out there

Writing has always been cathartic for me and I have a lot to let go of at the moment (that moment took years to make)

Forgive me (but please hear me) as I use this blog to untangle myself again

I don’t need to say what my despair is about

Each persons despair is their own and can be relative and not relative to another’s

It does not need to be qualified

It does not need to be incredibly awful to be acknowledged but it is my own experience that when another human does acknowledge another’s pain (may that pain be “small” or “big”); It does lighten the burden of the one that is suffering

My message here in this post is love

At the end of the day it’s almost all that matters

Hold onto the love you have in your life and if you don’t have love in your life find some now

Find love in a wag of a dog’s tail or in a majestic tree or a tiny flower and most especially try to find love where you thought you lost it (it is most likely not lost but only misplaced)

I’d like to think that when it comes time for me to leave this place and I per chance have some time to ponder my life; It wont be about how clean I kept my house or how hard I worked or worry over what I failed to do

I would like for it to be thoughts of how much I loved and that I didn’t miss a chance to tell someone how phenomenal I thought they were or that I never forgot to say “thank you” and “please” and most especially “you are welcome”

This blog was made for the chronically ill but I think all of the above applies to the theme of this blog

It applies to all humans because we will all find ourselves in pain and we will have to find a way to find a light to guide us out; I say that with full respect to all those that need time to mourn: Even if that sadness takes a lifetime

(As my pal Oscar said: Where there is sorrow there is holy ground)

I hope that you all can find some love and beauty today in this complicated and sometimes difficult thing of the business of living life

And I thank you all for letting me cry out loud (full stop) I thank you the one that let me cry my guts out on your virtual shoulder (full stop) You know who you are (full stop)