Merry Christmas You Tricked Me Again

by Living With Morgellons

Last week when I told Tom that Christmas was off, he said “OK Darling.”  I had decided to sit in the window and not come down until it was over.

A few parcels arrived which Tom brought up the stairs to me along with snacks and tea here and there. One of the smaller parcels was this little flashlight necklace (I like flashlights).

I put the necklace on and fell asleep and had a dream where a letter full of money was blowing across my back yard and I ran down the stairs and out the door to chase it. It was dark in the dream and I could hardly see as the letter and the money blew away into the sea. I remembered I had a flashlight necklace and when I went to turn it on, I was not surprised to find it did not work and not surprised when I woke that things were even breaking in my dreams.

More parcels and tea and snacks came up the stairs and this happened all the way until yesterday which was Christmas eve. It seems somebody got a hold of my wish list and yesterday that somebody came home with a chicken and  ham and announced he was making Christmas dinner with my new cooker that just went in and asked if he could borrow my new knife that came in the mail.

I yelled down the stairs “Honey you do understand that this knife could permanently ruin your cartooning career. Right?”

Up the stairs came “Yes Darling.”

I yelled back “Just a second, I want to show you something.”

With my knife I went downstairs an retrieved a tomato from the fridge and to Tom said “watch this.” Holding the knife out blade up, I dropped the tomato on it and as it split and fell on the ground I said “Just so you know what you are dealing with..K?” He said “Ok Darling just leave it on the cooker.”

(Awk…crap….this is what you deal with when you live with a genius.) I went to the cooker and started cooking.

The first thing I did was put pears and whiskey in a pot to start a base for the ham glaze.  We still don’t have counters so I put a board on two saw horse and used that area to prepare Christmas dinner at what I consider the very last minute.

The chicken I roasted with cultured lemons and lime kaffir leaves and also plenty of olive oil and fermented garlic.


I chopped a few vegetable from and left some raw and lightly blanched others. What I came up with was a sort of  sweet crudite salad. I didn’t have any very interesting vegetables so I tinted cauliflower with beet juice. I’m still trying to decide if this was pretty or pretty tacky.

the crudite

 I made a fresh garlic aioli and also bagna cauda for dipping.  Bagna cauda (pronounced “bonya cowda”) is a warmed olive, garlic and anchovy sauce. it worked nicely with the crisp veggies.

Bagna Cauda (pronounced %22Bonya Cowda%22)

The ham  was just too big so I quartered and roasted that and I will think of something to do with the rest of it this week. I finished the pear glaze and went for a traditional zig zag and clove design. I roasted potato and scallion dumplings in goose fat and poached figs in sweet wine and butter and into giant mushrooms I stuffed a simple sage and butter dressing.

ham, figs, custard

In the picture above you can see just a bit of  a custard I made.  I was working fast and really wish I would have taken better notes on the measurements I used because this custard turned out exceptionally delicious. It was so easy as well. All I did was boil and puree turnip, carrot, parsnip and sweet potato. To that I added eggs, traditional Christmas spices, maple and cream.  For just the two of us there was a lot of food but I managed to eat half the custard myself. I will rework that recipe and get it up because it really was a winner and I believe more delicious than even pumpkin pie.

We watched Dr Who and because it is tradition I decided to read James Joyce’s “The Dead.” I was so full and sleepy that when I got to the part that says:
“Now, if anyone wants a little more of what vulgar people call stuffing let him or her speak”, that I skipped to my favorite line which is also the end and says:
“His soul swooned slowly as he heard the snow falling faintly through the universe and faintly falling, like the descent of their last end, upon all the living and the dead.”